My personal, emotional response is that I would be nothing. Worse, actually, than No Thing: I will have become a burden and a disgrace. And, as I have forged my way on this stubborn, delusional path I've wandered, many have followed. Am I now responsible for their fate? Have I deceived them, taken advantage of their belief in me?
I clearly have more questions than answers today. My God, Love, will again win out over fear, eventually...